Whenever you're in a new environment, maybe a job, or a new hobby that you're trying. How often at the back of your head do you say "I don't think I'll ever be good at this", or "I'm so bad at this, everyone is better than me"? I said this just last week at the art community that I go to every week.
I've been sketching for a year now, I'm not really good at it. In fact, I feel like I'm progressively getting worse and getting better at the same time. But I don't think too much about it. I used to care a lot about what others thought about it, and sometimes I still do but I realized a few things.
An Absurdist and an Imposter walked into a bar
The imposter says "Hello, haven't seen you in a while". The Absurdist says, "Yeah I've been a bit pre-occupied"
Where does it come from?
- self-doubt
- inadequacy
- High Expectations
- Unrealistic Standards
Here are some ideas that will help you reframe your views. It's always a long-term process and change can take a long time but that's just how it is.
Only you are thinking about yourself - Nobody cares
Sometimes we tend to beat ourselves up more than we should. We all think that we're the main characters of our lives and that everyone's life revolves around us. But if you use a little common sense, you realize that everyone else is also thinking the same. Some more than others but everyone is. So when everyone is thinking about only themselves, then nobody is thinking about you.
Have you done something really embarrassing? Now think about it. How many people who saw it would remember that incident? You're friends might remember and poke fun at you but most strangers, not so much.
So if you're bad at something, even if you do something embarrassing people will forget and they will not care. Because most of them have probably gone through the same experiences.
Detach yourself from the outcome, only focus on the action
There's this idea of detaching the mind from the outcome and solely focusing on doing what you're supposed to do. The idea is from the Bhagavad Gita, I've come to admire this philosophy and it has helped me shape some of my views. Because when you're detached from the outcome, you don't overthink, you don't look at other people, you don't worry about what-ifs, you don't care about being the best, you just are and keep doing. This way you avoid second-guessing yourself and don't get lost in the little details that cloud your judgement.
Learning from Nature
Look at nature, for example, especially water. Bruce Lees's famous "Be like water" quote is very relevant. Does water care where it is or what is holding it? Does it stop when it can't pass? No, it eventually finds its way. Humans are far more complex than a substance like water since we deal with complex emotions which water doesn't have to. It becomes very difficult to exhaust.
The feeling of being an imposter is like a muddy puddle, if you're always focused on what others are doing your puddle gets muddied with others' opinions, experiences, and desires. Over time, this tends to also exhaust you. You start questioning your own opinions and needs. Are the opinions and desires your own or are they someone else?
The outcome is not yours to think about. It is a point far in time, that lies in the realm of probability. The more muddy your puddle gets, the less likely you are to reach the outcome.
Just as a clear puddle reflects the sky above, a focused mind allows you to see your own potential more clearly.
Absurdists view of life
There's this philosophical idea called Absurdism. It was introduced by Albert Camus in the 50s. The idea says that life is absurd and there's no point in trying to make sense of it. Everything is meaningless because there's no point in trying to make sense of the absurdity.
But we should strive to find our own meaning, and do the work anyway because that's how we find meaning. My point is since life is absurd, there's no point in feeling self-doubt or feeling inadequate.
Sisyphus is the figure described in the book. He is pushing a large boulder up a hill and when it falls back down, he does it again and again until eternity. Do you think he cared about what others thought of him? Did he care about being the best boulder pusher in the world? I don't think so, he did it because he found it meaningful, maybe a bit funny and fascinating too.
We can learn a lot from an Absurdist. The main lesson is to not worry about perfection or feeling inadequate.
Reflections and understanding your feelings
To fix a problem, one must always understand the problem. You can't analyze something on the surface level and say this is the problem. You must really spend a lot of time, understanding why you feel the way you do.
Accept being bad at something
- Embrace the imperfections
- Many people struggle with feeling inadequate when they try something new.
- The acceptance of being "bad" is also about building resilience
- Authenticity - This concept ties into the theme of authenticity in writing or any creative endeavor.
The ugly side of the internet - go touch grass
Now more than ever, we spend so much time on the Web. We spend time in online communities and most of us are creators. It's normal to feel inadequate when we're looking at our peers, then we tend to compare ourselves to them even if we don't know them personally. But when this happens, we must remind ourselves to avoid social media for a bit. Our mind is not meant to handle the constant feed of the web.
If you're not ready, fly low for a while before rising
Sometimes we have to accept the simple truth that we're just not ready. It's a hard pill to swallow but an important one. It's always acceptable to fly low and gather the confidence, learn, and make mistakes over a long period of time.
People who feel like an imposter usually have high expectations and standards for themselves. But sometimes it's good to lower those standards and have no expectations of anything you do.
Have a long-term view.
Another thing is that they are very impatient, and they want everything yesterday. But that's not how it works. Getting good at something often takes a lot of failure. Life is a furnace and you are a ceramic pot. The flames of failure will harden you and make you into a beautiful glazed pot. So have patience in your failures, my friend.
Once you make enough mistakes, the shame will wash away and you will be fine with everything.
To quote the great poet Rainer Maria Rilke
Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final
