Table of Contents
- Introduction
- What is a Digital Detox?
- Why do people digital detox
- The Problem with Digital Detox
- The Vicious Cycle
- Huh, now what?
- A Science-backed theory
- The End
Introduction
Distractions, distractions, distractions. Everything is a distraction. Life has lost its essence. Nothing ever ends, muses the Philosopher.
The Philosopher is a persona representing the collective reflections and existential anxieties of humankind.
Everything has become a distraction. Since most of our lives these days are spent in front of a computer screen that is connected to the web, it is quite easy to feel lost and succumb to the temptation of familiarity.
Over the last decade, as the internet grew in popularity and more of us came online, we began spending countless hours browsing, scrolling, and staring. A new counter-culture emerged, initially small but rapidly expanding like an all-consuming black hole as people realized what their lives had become.
Over the years, I too have come to the same conclusion. The web has entangled our minds, like a spider preying on its victims. Social media and the Web, that was intended to connect us, now isolates us, Letting us form parasocial relationships around the world.
Third spaces are dying, people spend hours and hours inside their homes. This is the modern world we live in.
Just like me and maybe you who are reading this, feel the same. And this feeling gave birth to a culture of digital abstainers. They call the idea a "Digital Detox". In this essay, we'll explore why a digital detox isn't really beneficial in the long term.
The Silver Surfer looking at the endless space
What is a Digital Detox?
You've probably heard this term used around on the internet. Especially if you visit certain forums like Reddit, you'll find a few communities around this topic. But if you don't know, this is what Wikipedia says `
A digital detox is a period of time when a person voluntarily refrains from using digital devices such as smartphones, computers, and social media platforms. This form of detoxification has gained popularity, as individuals have increased their time spent on digital devices and the Internet.
Simply put, it is a period where people abstain from the digital realm.
Why do people digital detox
To understand why digital detoxes don't work well, we first need to understand why people decide to go on a digital detox. They do that for a number of reasons but the most common reasons are usually
- To break the loop of feeling insecure
- improving mental health
- comparison, FOMO and anxiety
There's a lot of research being done in this area, especially how overuse of social media contributes to anxiety and decline in mental health.
How is Productivity related to a digital dox
People go on these digital detoxes once in a while or when the realization of time slipping away hits them. You've probably done it yourself or have seen friends on social media go offline for a while. People somehow have this assumption that if they go offline temporarily, their life will unfuck itself and they will end up feeling good and productive and can live a meaningful life.
These actions are usually random impulses that arise from our deepest insecurities, fueled by our anxieties. I've been there as well.
The Problem with Digital Detox
I'm not going to comment on the other counterculture of the internet. But most of them tend to go to the extreme ends and end up feeling like a cult that demands strict adherence. Even if you share very little overlapping values. And when you're in a cult, everything just feels right.
While the idea of a digital detox is appealing, the core problem I'm trying to address is that why they aren't very effective and last very long. And therefore, their result is little to nothing. You go back to square one. From my observations on Instagram for example (when I used to be active) people frequently announce they are leaving the platform permanently or for an extended period, only to return within a week.
This cycle highlights how temporary these detoxes are. Why? Because forming habits takes a long time and depends on many factors. This article explains why 21 days to form a habit might be a myth.
Why is this a Problem?
This is a problem because it is very hard to do. We're constantly stimulating our brains with information, notifications, and validation from people that our brain mistakes these things as rewards. All of these things were hard to acquire in the past, but now with the Web, it's instant. Our brains like instant, they crave the easy. The brain is like a muscle, and if we don't challenge the muscle, it never develops. Heard the phrase "I lost some brain cells"?
So when it's used to the "easy", and you decide to go on a digital detox spontaneously, your mind isn't used to that. Hence after a couple of days or weeks of fighting with your mind, you succumb to its needs and give in. Sounds familiar?
Relapses and back to consumption
Relapses happen and they happen often. They are common. They happen because fighting your mind is hard. Since it craves something easy, the urge to go back to what was pulls you like a magnet.
The Vicious Cycle
The Loneliness Epidemic
There's another factor though - Loneliness. Because it's not always that simple. We're all lonely more than ever. One survey conducted by CNN says that 1 in 4 adults feel very lonely. Especially among young adults with 27% of young adults ages 19 to 29 feeling extremely lonely. I don't think you need research to see or feel that unless you live under a rock.
The emergence of para-social relationships and online friendships has significantly contributed to this phenomenon. People believe they have meaningful connections with others, but it is only an illusion of connection and these connections are often as fragile as a single thread, easily broken. It makes you feel connected, yet not connected—quite the paradox, isn't it? And it can turn into a vicious cycle.
How is this a vicious cycle?
People want to connect, and form relationships with others. We're social animals, it's at our core. But when you decide to disconnect, you feel lost and isolated. You're free, but you have nowhere to go. So you revert to connecting with people online.
Dr Manhattan from the Watchmen contemplating the existence of life
The Death of Third Spaces
Another factor is Third Spaces. Third spaces are where people usually meet. It is the place you go to that isn't home or work. That's why they're called "Third" spaces.
Third spaces have been slowly dying, it's a slow death. There are numerous reasons, but the main one is rising costs. Businesses increase prices to stay afloat, while consumers focus on paying bills and clearing debts. The rise of e-commerce also means there's no longer a need to visit stores or malls, as online shopping offers more choices than physical stores. These factors, beyond our control, end up pushing us indoors even more.
Malls used to be one of the go-to places to hang out in the US but they've been dying as well
So it's understandable that more people find solace on the web. Yet, we also realize this isn't healthy and try to cut it down. But even if we do, what then? Where do we go? We're still alone. It's a vicious loop, isn't it?
Huh, now what?
It's not a race, it's a marathon
You’ve heard the phrase before; it’s become a cliché, yet we often forget it. We let the end goal cloud our judgment, causing us to sprint through the track, expecting and hoping something will be waiting for us at the finish line.
The point I'm trying to make is digital detox is not a one-time thing. It is kind of a lifestyle but it is also not extreme to the point where you just cut everything, especially if you are connected to modern civilisation.
Don't cut completely, detach slowly
This strategy is difficult to follow because it requires significant time, effort, and commitment, which helps avoid extreme measures. It is difficult because it is not instant and easy.
Here’s an example: I used to be very active on Reddit, scrolling endlessly on my phone at night. Then I removed the app from my phone and now use Reddit exclusively on my computer. I don’t restrict usage on my computer, so if I choose to use Reddit at midnight, I can—but ONLY on the computer. See how that adds a bit of friction?
Start slow with one little thing
We often go overboard even when we're mindful of starting slow. If you're like me, you think slow means just a week. And then you start gearing up and going at full speed. Until you crash and burn. What I've realized is that slow means very very slow. Like at least a couple of months. I understand most people aren't a fan of this pace but we have to set our expectations right. Our reliance on certain habits didn't develop overnight or in a few weeks; it took years. So, it's fair to expect that changing them will take time too.
Start by changing one simple thing. For example, if you usually browse apps on your phone, try using them exclusively on your computer instead—through actual websites. As I mentioned earlier.
Turn it into a habit
That’s a small change, but over time, it can become a routine. Habits form like a river shaping a rock over millions of years to create a new canal. Once you get used to it, slowly try modifying some more things to fit your schedule.
Reflect, Adjust, and give it more time
Easier said than done but reflection doesn't have to be a constant thing. It can be a fleeting thought. And fleeting thoughts accumulate in your head, brewing into a rich stew of new ways of thinking. This will help you find what motivates you. And it's rarely only one thing, usually it is several things.
That's all great but you might be more of a science focused person and would be curious if there's any framework that can guide you.
A Science-backed theory
I don’t have a formal background in psychology, but a couple of brilliant people in the field have developed a theory that explains why we do what we do. Or a way to explain our motivations. It is called the Self-Determination Theory Model of Motivation or SDT for short.
Understanding the Self-Determination Theory model (SDT) of motivation
Everything you do, your wants, and your desires stem from motivation. I'm not talking about the kind of motivation you get after you read a quote from a "live, laugh, love" cafe wall. I'm specifically talking about intrinsic motivation.
The website verywellmind.com defines Intrinsic motivation as
Intrinsic motivation is defined as the motivation to engage in a behavior because of the inherent satisfaction of the activity rather than the desire for a reward or specific outcome.
So how is all of this related? To embrace something new, you need to want it. Intrinsic motivation is just that. Multiple factors in your life drive you forward to an end goal.
SDT suggests that all humans have three basic psychological needs—autonomy, competence, and relatedness—that underlie growth and development. When these needs are supported, people are more likely to stick to a habit.
Autonomy: Control your actions by setting personal goals for screen time and choosing enjoyable offline activities.
Competence: Build confidence by starting with small goals and tracking your progress to see improvements.
Relatedness: Foster connections by engaging in offline activities with friends and joining communities focused on reducing digital use.
Example: To reduce social media use, you set your limits (autonomy), start with a small reduction and increase it gradually (competence), and use the extra time for in-person activities with friends (relatedness). But you can apply this to any part of your life.
Research shows that meeting these needs helps you maintain new habits and achieve lasting change without going too extreme. And this leads to a balanced, sustainable and mindful digital detox.
Read more Self Determination Theory
The End
If you're still reading this, my dear reader. I must thank you for your time. Now with this information, do with it as you please. I wrote this essay because I see people on both extremes: those who go overboard with abstinence and those who struggle with severe social media addiction.
In short what I want to say is, that going overboard, and chasing popular trends like digital detox won't do you any good in the long run. It'll just be a thing you tried and failed at.
Remember, everything is about balance so this too must follow that principle. Start slow, start small, and give it time. In the meantime, find different ways to engage yourself in different things and even on the web. But most importantly try to reflect.